100 Days Of Discipline

100 Days of Discipline Day 2: Discipline Falling in my Lap

Journal Entry 2

Disclaimer:*I’m really doing this to improve my reflection and communication skills, relationship with self. There may be a lot of rambling. Also this is to compare mindset on Day 100 to the early days. Reading past the pre-cap may not bore you. I switch topics without warning because it is essentially free-writing.

A Pre-cap TL:DR from my Day 2 realizations.

  • I should add ‘strength training’ to my 100 day of discipline. My neck pain does not have to turn into this dramatic thing. I am young.
  • It’s not too late to start. Better posture today. Better strength today. Do it while you’re young and still relatively flexible. It’s 90% confidence you’re doing the right thing, and the rest follows.
  • Aka. It’s the people that surround you, how much they believe. That will directly impact how much you believe. Imagine if Dr. Johnson Asian
  • Go into Such stronger exercises things as power-yoga. Visit your yoga classes you have the Groupon for. Before this, I was just doing light walking. I had given up on anything remotely intense. At age 28. I’ve done this repeatedly in my life. That stops now.
  • Improve work place efficiency potentially, with a standing task. This may be overkill though – I don’t really have the budget.
  • Main really: practice the exercises you’re given – or nothing else matters. They will disappear to the wayside. Patting yourself on the back only goes so far.
  • Daily FB Video Recap helps when you’ve ran out of energy (doing a live FB video in a private group to document your journey. Kinda like emptying your brain.). If you don’t have the energy for tasks – reflection will motivate you. I paused after I remembered certain things and the FB video served as its own type of accountability. Kind of like how FocusMate is.

___

Super tired.

Trying to focus on coming up with a humorous toastmaster speech. It just hit me. It doesnt have to be humorous. It’s called an Invocation/Humorous speech. Your choice. I could also do June 10th vs June 3rd. But no. You can always delay. That won’t be fun for the organizer either to find a new person..

Having a full-fledged operating toastmasters meeting is hard work. These people generally have full-time jobs & sometimes have to send 20 emails to get a meeting in order. I look forward to trying all the roles even if some feel like you have to act fake

This is my mind battling itself. I’m sticking with June 3rd. Four days to get ready for the speech. This is much better than our brains constantly exaggerating how big an event is. Stagnating your growth. Just work hard and get something over with. Another struggle or challenge will pop up soon enough. You’re gonna have the same levels of anxiety, why not arm yourself with that knowledge and get things done with it? Transfer your anxiety, while enhancing your knowledge bank. Being the controller of your mind instead of being controlled. F monkey mind 🙂

I’ve noticed something the past 2-3 weeks where I’ve been using this tool – FocusMate for my productivity – where you have a video partner for free across the world to keep you in check while you work. My anxiety levels probably have RISEN. In the moment, I may be telling myself wow I’m really failing today. In hindsight, this news is freaking amazing. That means I’ve adjusted my expectations of myself. Three weeks ago I would be okay with getting nothing done in a day, taking days off was meaningless to me. Three days of getting important stuff(s) done was enough and incredible. Now, I realize I am only hard on myself because I’m getting important stuff done every day. I should be proud, not thinking I’m a failure.

This tool has been a godsend for me. At 7 PM I’m looking at my schedule, with ZERO energy, in misery. I had scheduled 8-11 PM so I can work on my toastmasters speech. Granted, I’m doing this blog post. But my point is, the fact I had something scheduled, and someone waiting on the other end – counting on me, I said “I HAVE to get my shit together”. Old me 100% would have just slept. With that being said, man I gotta start getting a solid draft written for this. Vagueness and me are not friends. Enemies of an ADD’er. lol.

I’m happy Day 2 has been a barebones success though. I finished the 30 minutes of meditation and reading requirement. (20 mins of yoga + 15 mins of real meditation + 30 mins of walking + 20 pages of reading). The key here, again, is I allow myself a little bit of ‘cheating’. I’m counting the yoga as part of meditation because it really is very focused on every part of your body and awareness. Even more so than basic meditation. I just wasn’t able to keep much meditation focus today. The point of this challenge isn’t torture. It’s realization, focus, commitment.

Ok more stuff I wrote.. let me rewind to

Having a full-fledged operating toastmasters meeting is hard work. These people generally have full-time jobs & sometimes have to send 20 emails to get a meeting in order. I look forward to trying all the roles even if some feel like you have to act fake

(cont’d). There’s some fairness in ALL social interaction. I hate when people call me smart. It’s like I’m giving the authority over validating me. That they are smarter.

People call me smart. I don’t know what that means. I think it’s usually to boost my confidence because they know I think I’m not at all confident and they know anyone can be. I may never find out. Why does it bother me so much. Why I do I want to be the best. Who knows.

Not wanting to be the best helps so much. Why do I want to be the best. Because I want love, approval. “If I accomplish everything that’s what I will get”, my mind says. I can finally prove to the mom I am everything you thought I could be. Even though she already loves me. But that’s what it is. What if I already know that I’m the best?

Physical Therapist Inspiration

I went to the physical therapist today, a guy probably my age as he kept saying “guys our generation” .. “are all gonna have a little neck issues at least”. Chinese well-built like perfect (no home) physique. I was like hell ya a fellow Asian-American dominating his physicality in this country where I feel minorities are held down by the man. Though asians as a whole lets be honest don’t really have the best reputation for working out, in any country.

Anyway, I took away I needed to add strength training to my regimen for 100 days of discipline. I feel people do not want to hear what I have to say. This has destructed my communication potential massively. I can work on this. So much of my problem is confidence. I believe Dr. Johnson was taking me under his wing essentially as a mentor.

That’s what I believe a doctor should be. The opposite of my complete devoid of emotion primary doc who I will change asap.

Takeaways:

-I can get back to strength training
Even if its 3 pounds. 5 pounds.
I thought anything above 5 pounds would f with me & cause strain.
But he tested me. gave me a new way of life.
Injected it into me. I trusted him because he’s Asian.
Something in his eyes or the way he talked to me was like “Bro, take my confidence. There’s enough for everyone. You got this. It’s nothing”. I can’t not take 0 credit for that too. My energy must have been emitting how bad I want it. How open I am to hear what he has to say. Respect to him for not being the typical egotistical asshole doctor. I think PTs have a different reputation. My last one was pretty amazing too. Genuinely wants to help.

“I had given up in this area in my life.
But here’s someone who believes in me.
Wants me to lightly jog. Said I’m a young guy – young guys can do fairly a lot. And better to get your strength up now than later.
That really resonated. Wish he was my consistent doc not an assistant for my next 3 appointments – but I guess healthcare can’t be perfect. Canada apparently has a 4 month wait for everything. I thought it was awesome?

He said to do “power yoga”. That reminded me. I have a Groupon  and WILL get back to doing yoga. I also had lost belief in myself doing more complicated yoga. THAT will change. Our minds dictate so much. Discipline literally fell in my lap day 2 & I’m super happy I had a really qualified caring PT. The people in your life, man.

Developing my core will be a must in these 100 days .
THAT is where your willpower comes from
Tonight a FM session I should find and try a more challenging yoga.
Mainly I need to work on toastmasters. Oh man
I could talk about my 100 days of discipline and urging people to find their own journey of curiousity.

Good night love you.

He minimized the complication and anxiety I had in my head about perfect posture that was making it worse., really. Calming me down & giving me confidence is going to extremely help my posture and body. Ty Dr. Johnson.

P.S.S also going to get a standing desk next paycheck. He had one that changes height & is dope! Good luck. Lets Go! (don’t know) lol but hey man I’m a professional maybe I should! I’ll look into it.

Today I did a daily review on FB video – and this motivated me to do random tasks I said I was “too lazy to do” mid-video, because I was using the One-minute rule. If something takes just 5 minutes or less, just do it now. It takes so much pressure off. I apply this to everything. Mom asks me to do a chore. Avoid tons of built up animosity and my general forgetfulness. Be thought of as super kind all at once, because you’re attacking the task immediately. When you know its mostly because you’ll just forget asap. lolol. But no, I’m a good guy too. People think I’d be the perfect husband. Lol… Maybe I will be one day. I love love, being appreciated is intoxigreat-thing.

 

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